BHW 12.31.2024

A Very Donut Christmas

With the passing of Christmas this past week, Miss Donut celebrated the holiday by having her unpaid intern chauffeur her on a 650-mile pilgrimage to spread joy and farts throughout north-central Wisconsin. She was handsomely rewarded for her efforts, as she scored a set of matching sweatshirts for herself and her lowly serf, napped on a stick of butter, and head-butted Mr. Winston out of her way several times to assert dominance over access to Ms. Kriofsky.

The highlight of Miss Donut’s vacation is certainly her new hoodie from SparkPaws, courtesy of her great-uncles*. The garment fits her like a glove and while typically Miss Donut makes a valiant effort to Houdini her way out of any sweater placed on her body, SparkPaws has perfected the art of wearable crack-cocaine, and Miss Donut has succumbed to addiction. She has worn the hoodie now for three days straight, as an earlier attempt to remove it resulted in a severe bout of pout.

*great-uncle is both a commentary on the quality of uncle, and a description of actual relation to Miss Donut

New Addition to the Bonk House Family

Bonk House welcomed a new baby into the family on December 23, 2024, and her arrival was fraught with complications. Delivery was delayed and came with some major tearing which caused significant concern among her . After a colicky first day at home, she has now settled in and weighs a supremely healthy 17.6 pounds.

Born and bred specifically for embroidery, this Brother PE800 machine has already been put to work in the metaphorical coal mines for the Bonk House Creative Team. She’s churned out two Christmas gifts already, and shows incredible promise for future creative endeavors which have a moderately good chance of coming to fruition as Ms. Kriofsky seems to have found an Adderall equilibrium that allows her to complete tasks.

Current forecasts for Q2 2025 indicate a likely rollout of Bonk House Weekly merchandise so that you can rep your favorite “Nothing News” website for all the world to see.