Bonk House Weekly

The Immortalization of World’s Softest Baby

Miss Donut, often heralded as the world’s most soft little baby, was immortalized in portrait form this week. From the throes of a depressive episode, Ms. Kriofsky commissioned the likeness of Miss Donut from the talented Anna Wood, also known as ogouji on tumblr. Thanks to Ms. Wood’s hard work, we really don’t even have to write an article about this. Just look at the portrait for another three minutes, please. Look, it’s got her silly little smile. She’s wearing a wizard hat. Her eyes say “I’m going to chew on a pair of scissors as soon as you leave the room.” It’s perfect.

Ms. Kriofsky hopes to feature this painting as the cornerstone of an apartment art exhibit a la “The Sad Clown Hallway” of Brian David Gilbert fame. The executive creative director of Bonk House is currently in the process of acquiring a print and frame, and art aficionados will likely be able to view at least two paintings of Miss Donut in the hallway of Bonk House within the next four months.

Emotional Forecast

The past several weeks have been unfortunate, emotionally, for Ms. Kriofsky with stormy skies coming from Mental Illnessland. Bonk House has recently recorded historic levels of hours spent napping and number of times Ms. Kriofsky cried.

Going into the next few weeks, however, the outlook is much brighter. Ms. Kriofsky and her doctor are waging a harsh war on Mental Illnessland with increased doses of antidepressants and amphetamines. This attack is perfectly timed as the winter solstice approaches, which should provide the SSRI army with much-needed cover from increased sunlight.

Miss Donut: Evil Woman??

On Sunday night Miss Donut made a calculated and heinously evil move, as she slept on the sofa all night, rather than snuggling into the armpit of her dear mother. Despite the traditional butt pat and being told “We go bed,” by Ms. Kriofsky to indicate that it’s bedtime, Miss Donut barely even stirred, simply giving her mother a big sigh and tucking her nose further under her fuzzy blanket.

Obviously, Miss Donut intended to severely hurt Ms. Kriofsky’s feelings with this rejection, and she thoroughly succeeded. According to inside sources, this deep cut wounded Ms. Kriofsky more than anything else in recent memory, including being stood up on a date.

In retaliation, Ms. Kriofsky trimmed Miss Donut’s nails this morning before breakfast, which resulted in Miss Donut scarfing down her dinner before retiring to pout in her kennel.