November 19, 2024
How to Win at Fake Court
This week Ms. Kriofsky participated in Fake Court as expert witness Dr. Robert Glenn, an accomplished economist at the very real University of Nita (not Nita State University, those losers can [REDACTED]). In his professional opinion, the best way to win at Fake Court and establish credibility as #1 Smart Guy in the room is to, when the Judge asks you to raise your right hand so that you can be sworn in, do the little L thing with both of your hands because actually you struggle with your right and left and god forbid you look dumb in front of a real actual Judge.
Obviously, this strategy worked perfectly and make the Judge chuckle, which, regardless of the fact that he refused to deliver a verdict at the end of the trial, made Ms. Kriofsky feel like she won Fake Court. As such, she fully endorses this as a great strategy at real court as well.
Editor’s Note:
This does not constitute legal advice and Ms. Kriofsky and/or Bonk House Weekly cannot be held liable for any actions or consequences that may result from utilizing this strategy in real court.
Sweet Pea Slanders the Innocent Mr. Tucker
Mr. Tucker, famously the sleepiest baby boy on his side of the Mississippi, was peacefully dozing early this morning when Ms. Sweet Pea absolutely slandered him in the media, stating: “[Tucker} got stuck under the Binkies and then on the septic cover.”
This is obviously a falsified report, as Mr. Tucker would never leave the Binkies, therefore it is entirely impossible for him to be stuck under them. He is not stuck, that is precisely where he intended to be. As for the cursed septic cover, again, Mr. Tucker was safely snuggled in the Binkies and could not have been outside where the septic cover is located.
Ever the gracious gentleman, Mr. Tucker is electing not to press charges against Ms. Sweet Pea, provided he receives sprinkle cheese in his dinner this evening.
thoughts? feelings? worries?