Bonk House Weekly

We All Just Want To Be Big Rockstars

The dedicated hobbyist Miss Donut blazed new trails this week as she began learning to play the guitar. She was recently given access to a bubblegum pink guitar, courtesy of Ms. Mom via BarkBox. After initially snubbing the instrument, she has taken a significant interest in it lately. She epitomizes the “he a little confused, but he got the spirit” meme, as she primarily seems concerned with chewing on the top bit and also does not have hands or fingers with which to properly hold or play the instrument.

After hours of practice, Miss Donut hosted her own talent show to a record-breaking audience of one. She played one tune, that Ms. Kriofsky is approximately 42% sure was supposed to be a cover of Wonderwall by Oasis.

Eventually, Miss Donut hopes to play the Armory in downtown Minneapolis, mainly so that she can impede morning traffic as the semi-trucks containing her hypothetical set pieces struggle to back into the loading dock.

New Figure Emerges in Biggest Schnozz Scene

Ms. Kriofsky has long held the title of biggest nose in the Greater Twin Cities Metro Area, but this week, a new challenger appeared, seemingly out of the blue. Mr. Gizmo debuted his oversized schnozz at a get-together on Friday, shocking all in attendance, especially Ms. Kriofsky who felt personally attacked.

Mr. Gizmo’s suddenly large nose comes as an even bigger surprise due to his incredibly tiny stature, making his nose look even bigger. Proportionally, even we cannot deny that Mr. Gizmo obviously boasts a nose much larger than that of paltry sniffer of Ms. Kriofsky.

Obviously, Ms. Kriofsky can no longer leave the house without being ridiculed by hordes of hecklers rubbing Mr. Gizmo’s superior nose in her face.

Is It Poetry?

Unable to let anything rest intact, Ms. Kriofsky found joy this week in bastardizing texts from loved ones to create something that some may consider to be poetry. Ms. Kriofsky has always been intrigued by blackout poetry, and perhaps her efforts should have remained as solely intrigue. These creations hold little to no meaning, and the recipients of these… things… seem to begrudgingly accept them amid much confusion.

Why would she do this? It doesn’t even make sense. Is she right in the head? Are these poetry? What is poetry? These are questions you must ask yourself and come to your own conclusion.