Bonk House Weekly

Crossing the Finish Lines

After months of diligent and at times borderline obsessive work, Ms. Kriofsky has finally completed her 14 Color Woolstok Wrap. The completed wrap was bound off and ends were woven in on Saturday night, and Sunday morning, she took her inaugural bath before being carefully and neurotically pinned to the living room floor. The completed and blocked wrap is absolutely stunning, and Ms. Kriofsky is fighting every urge to share a large volume of photos as if the wrap was a newly birthed human babe, and not a lump of yarn. However, thus far, Ms. Kriofsky is successfully suppressing her desires in favor of a grand reveal in the coming weeks.

The completion of this wrap is another mark of massive achievement this month for Ms. Kriofsky, who through the sheer force of her will has had an unprecedented spree of productivity. In addition to finishing this marathon of a project, Ms. Kriofsky also sits upon the cusp of a successful completion of her summer reading challenge. With a scant quarter of her current read left to finish this evening, Ms. Kriofsky will have read a total of 16 books this summer, meeting her goal of five books per month, and in the case of June, exceeding this goal with six books completed.

Ms. Kriofsky, who tends to struggle with big projects and deadlines, and especially when the two are combined, shared with us that she feels an immense sense of pride and accomplishment, “I did TWO things in three months! The wrap technically did take much longer than three months but I really locked in with it this summer.” Our staff here at Bonk House Weekly would like to extend a hearty congratulations to Ms. Kriofsky, and we look forward to seeing what other things she might accomplish this year.

50 Shades of Beige

Early this week, Ms. Kriofsky returned to her home away from home to discover that the scuffs on her office walls had been replaced with a brand new shade of beige. The new mural appeared over the weekend and bothers Ms. Kriofsky infinitely more than the marks and scuffs on the wall did.

At the current pace, these only slightly contrasting shades of beige shall live on the office walls for at least another five years before any additional effort is taken to remedy this visual nightmare. What’s worse, is that this haphazard painting appears not just on one wall of Ms. Kriofsky’s office, but all three (one wall is solely window, and thus does not sport any paint at all), including immediately behind her computer monitors, which she stares at for 8 hours a day, five days a week.

Ms. Kriofsky is now accepting thoughts, prayers, and pro bono work from color matching specialists.

Who Is “System Data”?

Contrary to the popular real estate adage, “location, location, location,” is not everything. To Ms. Kriofsky, storage is much more important in both her physical and digital spaces. Unfortunately, storage seems to be nearing capacity for her. Especially in the digital space of her cellular telephone, Ms. Kriofsky often finds herself unable to take photographs due to a lack of storage space. This is particularly vexing for her, as she loves to take pictures of many inane things and text them to everyone she knows.

In an attempt to begin remedying the situation, she reviewed the storage allocation on her device only to discover that the approximately 20 gigabytes of text messages was not the storage hoarding culprit. Some mysterious hussy, “System Data,” seems to have completely entranced Ms. Kriofsky’s telephone, and refuses to relinquish her grip. Preliminary internet searches indicate that the 82 gigabytes of system data can be reduced by backing up, completely resetting, and then restoring the phone from the aforementioned back up. Due to her inherent distrust of technology, this makes Ms. Kriofsky incredibly anxious and will likely not get done.