Bonk House Weekly

Local Grandma Races Against Time

Another spin of the hobby cycle wheel landed this week on knitting, and Ms. Kriofsky resumed her post as the Bonk House’s most esteemed grandma. Referred to by some critics as “aging competitively,” she took matters into her own hands and decided to break some of her own personal records. Over the course of approximately 13 hours and with the laser focus of a rabid dog trying to destroy a Ford Pinto, Ms. Kriofsky knit 90 rows of her 14 Color Woolstok Wrap. This equates to 11% of the total wrap, and brings her to a whopping 54% complete.

With her self-imposed deadline just under a month away, this progress was much needed. Provided that Ms. Kriofsky keeps to a rigid schedule of 14 rows per day, she should have the wrap completed with just enough time to block it before fleeing the country. Thankfully, she is well-renowned for her ability to keep a schedule and work within a deadline.

Shitting is Sleepy Work

This week, on August 3rd, Miss Donut celebrated her 6th birthday. As a mature woman of an advanced age, she opted for an intimate birthday dinner party. Attended by her mother, Miss Donut supped on a delicious meal of dry kibble topped with a packet of chicken and sweet potato wet food. After dinner, she delighted in a big drink of water, which she did spill all over the kitchen floor. Unbothered, she then retired to the couch for the evening, where she snoozed and snored.

Unfortunately, sinister forces were at work within Miss Donut’s tiny little body. As Tuesday afternoon marched into evening, Miss Donut became increasingly insistent on frequent excursions to the outside, where she was plagued by explosive diarrhea. Her colon somehow synced with the atomic clock, and every two hours she would trot to the door and look at her mother with the world’s biggest and saddest eyeballs.

This cycle continued through Tuesday night and into Wednesday morning, leaving both residents of the Bonk House tired and grumpy from the interrupted sleep. Miss Donut’s mother stayed with her on Wednesday to care for her ailing baby puppy and with this loving attention, Miss Donut was bedeviled no more by constant shitting. Instead, she settled into a deep sleep that could neither be interrupted by any man nor scent of cheese and crackers.

As of the time of this writing, Miss Donut has made a full recovery and has returned to her regular, solid shitting.

Sometimes You Feel Like an Egg…

Most people experience a day every single day, and sometimes those people may experience a feeling, which is a kind of emotion. Talking about your feelings in a straight-forward manner can be stressful due to the inherent vulnerability of being honest with yourself and others about who you are. Sometimes, the easiest way to recognize your own feelings is by projecting them onto an inanimate object, or perhaps an image. The hit video game “Hello Kitty Island Adventure” utilizes this concept through the gudetama, or lazy eggs, that can be found around the island.

These eggs represent the full spectrum of human emotion in a way that no other media has ever been able to even attempt. We’ve collected a micro-selection of gudetama for your viewing pleasure, in an attempt to encourage self-reflection.

For me, I’ve been feeling quite gudetama #2. Limp. Suspended in a comfortable manner, in a rather uncomfortable place. Unable or unwilling to change my current circumstances. Just kind of hangin’ around.

If you find yourself feeling like an egg, too, drop a line in the comments with the egg that resonates most with your soul.