Bonk House Weekly

Brand New Bonk House

This week, Ms. Kriofsky began her move into the New Bonk House with the assistance of friends and family from across the country. Ms. Mom and Mr. Todd were the first to provide aid, and Ms. Kriofsky found herself woefully unprepared and unfed for manual labor. Increased hunger led to obscene levels of bitchiness, but the Tomahawk-based convoy dutifully persisted in packing and moving boxes.

Later in the week, Ms. Kriofsky enlisted the help of Mses. Faith and Star with a bribe of dinner and cocktails in exchange for toting boxes. After moving in some items, the group sat on the floor for supper, and Ms. Kriofsky finally began to feel like her new house become a home, through the power of friendship. Mr. Ben was noticeably absent from the aid offered from Gizmo’s house, likely because he hates Ms. Kriofsky and for no other reason at all.

Mr. Dave arrived early Thursday morning and used his dump-built muscles to move the bulk of furniture from Old Bonk House into New Bonk House. In the span of approximately 5 hours, the Kriofsky siblings were nearly finished moving furniture. With just the kitchen counter remaining at Old Bonk House, the pair broke for lunch and a little nap.

On Friday, with the extra-special help of Ms. Sue and Mr. Seth, the kitchen counter was swiftly disassembled, transported, and reassembled. This team effort brought the most difficult part of Ms. Kriofsky’s move to a close.

The only things remaining at Old Bonk House are dirty dishes, dirty laundry, a bunch of random shit that still needs to be chucked into some boxes, and a fuckload of mouse shit that was hiding beneath the kitchen counter.

One of the biggest benefits of New Bonk House, aside from the lack of mice, sewage issues, and flooding, is the presence of real windows that let in real sunlight. Ms. Kriofsky looks forward to growing her plant collection once again after many, many casualties in dank basement Bonk House.

Miss Donut is settling into her new house with ease, and she is enjoying the increased sunbeam frequency. She has also already joined the neighborhood watch. From her perch on the back of her chair, she frequently presses her nose to the window as she supervises any outdoor activity.

Beer Dabblin’ For Charity

Thirsty Thursday this week saw a change of venue to Target Field for the annual Ronald McDonald House charity beer dabbler and auction. The auction offerings were impressive and impressively named, courtesy of Ms. Star’s brilliance.

Mr. Dave accompanied Ms. Kriofsky to the event, and seemed to be delighted by the vast beer offerings, live music, and food-snackies. While Ms. Kriofsky sought out as many sour beers as possible, Mr. Dave opted to sample a number of beverages that can only be described as “icky” (per Ms. Kriofsky).

The two competed in a short round of mini golf, and much to the surprise of anyone with a brain, Ms. Kriofsky didn’t even lose. Instead, she managed to eke out a tie with the newly minted golf fanatic Mr. Dave.