July 2, 2024
But What Is The Question?
This past Wednesday, Ms. Kriofsky fell victim to marketing, as she witnessed a bus ad positing “Men Are The Answer.” This left her wondering what the question may be that men are the answer to. Despite her unending curiosity, Ms. Kriofsky refuses to let the capitalists win by visiting the advertised website.
Some possible questions that men may be the answer to include “Which gender is permitted to compete in Olympic Greco-Roman wrestling and Nordic combined skiing?” or “What demographic is least likely to bring their romantic partner flowers, despite a bouquet from Trader Joe’s costing $7.00?”
Let us know in the comments what you think men might be the answer to, and remember: It’s not what you think.
Gay People Allowed to Exist for One Weekend Only
As we all obviously know, June 1 through June 30 of every year is Pride Month, where corporations would have you believe that gay people are allowed to exist for an entire month. This is factually incorrect. Gay people are only allowed to emerge from their queer cocoons during Pride weekends, a much smaller subset of the month.
Here in Minneapolis, this occurred over the past weekend, and Ms. Kriofsky and Mr. Ben made their homosexual pilgrimage to the Pride Beer Dabbler at the Minneapolis Sculpture Garden, which featured more than 90 different beer vendors from in and around Minnesota.
The two sampled as many sour beers as possible, with highlights including the “Jam Session” lingonberry sour from metroNOME Brewery, and the watermelon sour from Dangerous Man Brewing.
As always, the event was a smash-hit, and there were absolutely no mushy-gushy conversations about how much bk^2 loves each other.
Harbinger of Doom?
Contrary to popular belief, “dead mouse” is more than just a 6-time Grammy nominated EDM artist, but also a literal deceased rodent that Ms. Kriofsky walked past on her way into the office on Tuesday morning. Local authorities are unsure if foul play was involved with the death, but were able to confirm that the wannabe Stuart Little had passed away in a position similar to that of a skydiver mid-skydive. No parachute was found near the body.
According to Ms. Kriofsky’s arbitrarily decided personal belief system, mice are omens of bad luck, in direct opposition to the good luck moths. Witnessing a dead sidewalk mouse has shaken her to her core, and left her feeling up to 85% more despondent than she was before seeing the deadmau5.
Stay tuned for next week’s Bonk House Weekly to find out if the mouse harbinged any doom!
Crochet Update
In a not-at-all shocking straightforward progression of events, Ms. Kriofsky did not, in fact, complete the crochet top that she had planned on wearing to the Beer Dabbler.
The project currently sits neglected on the table next to her chair in the Bonk House.
Fun Facts I Learned This Week:
- Today, July 2, 2024, is the legal halfway point of the year
- Breakdancing will make its Olympic debut at the 2024 Paris Olympics
- New York Times best-selling author Sarah J. Maas fucking LOVES the word “whorled”
- Sometimes, if you ask for help, you’ll receive it
- I finally understand flags
6 responses to “BHW 07.02.2024”
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i finally understand f*gs
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no i still don’t get that one…maybe next year
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i get f*gs, i get hella f*gs
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I don’t what’s the difference between a fig and a date? The world may never know…
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a fig is an edible fruit, a date is something you can’t get
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I have all the faith that the crochet top will be finished for next year ☺️
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