May 14, 2024
Another Birthday: The Unending March of Time
According to legend, several key players in the Bonk House Cinematic Universe celebrate their birthdays in early May. To honor the constant passage of time, a combined birthday party was thrown at Jetset on Thursday. The jamboree was a huge success, and Ms. Kriofsky didn’t even throw up this time.
The party attracted a “crowd” that left Jetset busier than Thirsty Thursday regulars have ever seen it on a weekday.
After the majority of attendees departed for the evening, it was discovered that Ms. Kriofsky, Ms. Star, and Mr. Ben may not fully understand the concept of “taking a picture,” as they struggled to align themselves in any sort of coherent manner.
Don’t Bother Me, I’m Busy
Another obsessive episode is sweeping through the Bonk House, as Ms. Kriofsky picked up Stardew Valley once again. The 1.6 Update is the primary driving force behind this development, and Miss Donut reports that Ms. Kriofsky has frequently turned her Steam Deck toward Miss Donut and said “Donut, what the fuck is that. Do you see that? That’s new, right?” Miss Donut has found herself deeply confused, as she has never played Stardew Valley before, and thus has no concept of what may be a new feature from the update.
With more than 20 hours logged on her newest farm, Ms. Kriofsky is well into Fall of Year 1, and has recently acquired a barn and four cows. She hopes that her livestock will sustain her through the winter, and that the greenhouse will be repaired expeditiously.
City of Minneapolis Conspires Against Donut
Construction season has begun in earnest in Minneapolis, and the closure of Van White Memorial Boulevard near the newly installed light rail stop has delayed Ms. Kriofsky’s return to Miss Donut after work.
The closed section of Van White is an important thoroughfare for getting Ms. Kriofsky home to Miss Donut with maximum efficiency. The only logical conclusion to be drawn is that the City of Minneapolis has closed this stretch specifically, intentionally, and maliciously to thwart Ms. Kriofsky from reuniting in a timely manner with her sweet baby Donut.
Spring Cleaning!
Have too many extra piles of money laying around? Finding it difficult to see the floor of your house because there’s too many hundred dollar bills scattered on the ground? Then it’s time for a spring cleaning spree!
Instead of just throwing away all that extra money that you can never find a purpose for, we would encourage you to donate to any/all of the families in need of aid in Gaza. Through Operation Olive Branch, all of the heavy lifting is done for you! They’ve organized a list of families in need, with direct links to their GoFundMe to donate!
Who knew that your spring cleaning this year could help Palestinians escape genocide! Fun!
2 responses to “BHW 05.14.2024”
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by golly i DO hate it when all my $100 are cluttering up the house
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SUCH a hassle!!
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