Bonk House Weekly

Surprise! Ducks Can Fly.

Birds; you either love them or you hate them. They come in many different sizes and shapes, one of which is the duck. Native to ponds and spaces filled with crumbs, ducks are commonly found on the ground and, occasionally, in the sky. Many types of birds, ducks included, have evolved over time to form wings which allow them to achieve airborne status. This is in direct opposition to the popular understanding of ducks as an earth-tethered creature, similar to a capybara or gazelle.

At least one duck has used their power of flight to do normal duck things in abnormal duck places. A mallard (boy duck) was recently spotted on a rooftop near the Bonk House, which took residents by surprise as the roof is not the ground. Speculation on why this duck and his lady duck friend (not pictured) chose to break the status quack by perching in a location that is inaccessible for old people who may want to feed ducks and/or duck-like creatures ranges from “He likes to be tall,” to “I didn’t really know they did that.”

No ducks have been spotted on any rooftops following the confusing incident on May 2, 2025. The local Association of People Who Stare Out The Window With Unfocused Eyes look forward to possibly noticing more ducks in the future.

Resurgence of the Tired Sleepies

Denizens of the Bonk House have recently been plagued by a chronic case of the tired sleepies, with bedtimes being pushed as early as 5:30 PM. On evenings where bedtime drastically encroaches on daylight hours, locals have taken to setting two sets of alarms; one for later in the evening around 9:00 to 10:00 PM so that the Miss Donut may be excused to the outdoors to relieve herself, and one for approximately 5:53 AM in the morning.

Attempts to contain the spread of tired sleepies has proven difficult. Traditionally, tired sleepies occur when one is tucked into bed, but they have been known to strike those lounging on a sofa or in a recliner. Unfortunately, the bleed of tired sleepies into daylight hours seems to be unimpeded as one sufferer complained of being so tired during employment hours that she is unable to type coherently or open her eyes more than approximately one quarter of an inch.

This epidemic of tired sleepies must certainly be due to a woefully overdue sleep debt, and could not possibly be caused by persistent mental illness. The Bonk House Center for Disease Control indicates that other symptoms including lack of interest in activities and lack of appetite are unrelated to the tired sleepies.

Time Isn’t Real and I Decide When Holidays Are

As we all know, time isn’t real and the only language is feelings. In the spirit of this, Ms. Kriofsky forced a Friend of the Bonk House to observe her loose grip on time as she offered a perfectly on-time Christmas gift on May 5, 2025. To emphasize the specific holiday being celebrated that day, Ms. Kriofsky took to laying on her tummy on the floor, surrounded by crayons and colored pencils, hard at work handcrafting Christmas themed wrapping paper.

Gifted in the visual arts, Ms. Kriofsky’s illustrations were, are, and will forever be unmatched and will stand eternally as a testament to her dedication to of creative pursuits.

A Horoscope for Your Wednesday

Aries: Don’t push yourself too hard today. Let sleeping Donuts lie.

Taurus: You may feel stuck today, letting your wheels spin is okay. Make sure to check for food in your teeth.

Gemini: Take a deep breath. Hold it. Keep holding it. Stop talking. Silence is a virtue.

Cancer: Make a joke or make a cake, but be sure to share either with someone you love.

Leo: Don’t sweat the small things. Also don’t sweat the big things. Stay air-conditioned today and allow yourself to let go of stress.

Virgo: Write a letter today. Send it or don’t, the catharsis will be a useful exercise.

Libra: The odds are in your favor today. Pushing the envelope will yield exciting results.

Scorpio: Listen to your fears. Let yourself succumb to your gut instinct.

Sagittarius: Think small today. Focus on the details and the things you can change. Not every day is for the big picture.

Capricorn: Practice flexibility today; take a yoga class, hold space for contradictory feelings. Things are changing, fluidity will be an important tool.

Aquarius: Stop and smell the roses, inspect the rocks. Internalize the feelings of both.

Pisces: Check in with a friend you haven’t spoken to lately. Get out of your own head today and reconnect with those you wish to be closer to.