April 23, 2024
Dangerous Dinosaurs: Was It Worth It?
On Sunday afternoon, Mses. Kriofsky and Star braved a new hobby, and sustained only minor flesh wounds.
During the Minnesota Yarn Shop Hop last week, Ms. Kriofsky acquired two dinosaur needle felting craft kits, with the intention to needle felt a dinosaur with crafting-initiate Ms. Star. One kit contained materials for a triceratops, and the other held whatever monstrosity Oblong Stanley turned out to be.
The ladies grabbed some beers and got to stabbing, and soon Gizmo’s house was filled with the sound of needle hitting foam and the occasional “oh FUCK” when the needle did not hit the foam and instead plunged into the soft, tender flesh of the young women.
Approximately six hours later, Floppy the triceratops and Oblong Stanley the ??? were born. While Mses. Kriofsky and Star had a lovely time and didn’t even need a single band-aid, the eyes of Floppy and Oblong Stanley beg the question: was it worth it?
A Trip to Nostalgia Avenue
In 2005, Nintendo released what could be considered the best video game ever created: Nintendogs. This beloved simulator mimics the joys of owning a stinky little puppy, with none of the actual stink. Players around the world enjoyed feeding, bathing, and walking their virtual pups, and some reveled in victory at agility and disc-throwing competitions. Released initially on the Nintendo DS, and eventually remastered on the Nintendo 3DS, the game was an undeniable hit.
However, it’s now been over a decade since a new Nintendogs game has been brought to consumers, leaving a void among long-time fans. To satiate the growing nostalgia and need for distraction at work, Ms. Kriofsky turned to alternative, but completely legal, means to acquire a Nintendog.
Following several simple Google searches and a brief visit to Reddit, Ms. Kriofsky downloaded the highly-rated emulation app, Delta, uploaded Nintendogs: Laborador and Friends, and began a new adventure of pet ownership.
Of the puppies available for adoption, Ms. Kriofsky opted for a Shiba Inu and named her Banana Bread. Legally, her name is listed as Banana, due to character constraints on the naming form (seriously, who decided 6 characters was enough to name a dog?). Reports indicate that Ms. Kriofsky spent at least half an hour whispering “Banana Bread” into her phone while trying to teach her puppy her name. Ultimately, these efforts were fruitless, and Ms. Kriofsky booted up Pokémon Mystery Dungeon instead to pass the time.
Anxiously Awaiting: Will They or Won’t They?
In an astounding resurgence of chronic anxiety, Ms. Kriofsky has begun refreshing her insurance claims page, waiting to see if approximately $14,000.00 will be paid by insurance, or if she will be sent into financial ruin.
As of the date of this publication, her insurance had already paid more than $6,000.00 for related costs, but the bulk of the claim is still pending. Ms. Kriofsky is preparing for the possibility of making an angry, and likely tearful, phone call to her insurance company should the claim remain unpaid.
A Bit Chilly, Innit?
As the temperatures in Minnesota hesitantly creep higher, Ms. Kriofsky is stuck in the annual purgatory of “do I need a jacket?”
After years of experiencing weather conditions, she still seems to be ill-prepared for this question every single day. She currently boasts the world’s worst record in dressing for the weather, with an astounding like, a billion, to zero losing streak.
According to our in-office reporter, Ms. Kriofsky opted out of a sweater today, and she is currently regretting that decision.
One response to “BHW 04.23.2024”
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floppy and oblong stanley are friend shaped
thoughts? feelings? worries?