March 19, 2024
New Hire: Bonk House Acquires Paramilitary Security Team
Due to rising popularity, Bonk House has made the bold decision to hire a security team to guard the premises from paparazzi and stalkers. After much deliberation, Wifi Rat was chosen to protect the Bonk House due to his outstanding résumé; he served in Iraq on Operation Northern Delay. This reassured Bonk House residents that Wifi Rat would not hesitate to commit war crimes to ensure the safety of the oil fields wifi.
Another important factor in the hiring of Wifi Rat is that he comes complete with his own catchphrase: “Wifi Rat. He guards the wifi.”
Dentistry Expedition
Ms. Kriofsky braved the treacherous .9 mile drive from her office to Mill District Dental for her routine cleaning. For the first time in her life, Ms. Kriofsky can say that she truly loves her dentist; the staff are always delightful, and she doesn’t leave the office with a desire to drive off a bridge.
While getting her teefs cleaned, Ms. Kriofsky made impressive small-talk, and received many compliments on her tooth health. To prove her teeth were the strongest in the west, Ms. Kriofsky bit her dentist’s finger off, and the office staff all applauded her.
She was such a stellar patient, and definitely won at dentist patient that she was invited back in early May for another performance. Or to have several ancient sealant thingies scraped out. Whatever.
Does the Minnesota Wild Support The Gays?
Earlier this week, Ms. Star used her corporate influence to reserve a suite at the Xcel Energy Center for the Minnesota Wild vs. Arizona Coyotes game. The match was fascinating to watch, with the Wild scoring two back-to-back empty net goals in the third period.
Using her extensive hockey knowledge, Ms. Kriofsky fielded questions from Ms. Star on various rules of the game with insightful answers such as, “That’s SUCH a good question. I don’t know.” This often elicited a giggle from Ms. Star, and thus counts as a win for the Bonk House.
The evening’s match-up happened to coincide with the team’s Pride Night, for which shockingly little was done to advance the gay agenda. Having attended another game recently on “Country Night,” Mses. Kriofsky and Star noticed that there were far more gimmicks geared toward inclusion of “country,” than there were for Pride Night. They only played, like, one Lady Gaga song, and there was NO cunnilingus on the jumbotron.
This lead to speculation amongst the duo: does the Minnesota Wild support the gays? Upon reflection after the event, the answer is a resounding shrug.
Supreme Silliness: Paleo Pines Update
Ms. Kriofsky continues her obsessive crusade in Paleo Pines, and she made a silly little discovery after befriending her very first Tyrannosaurus Rex, named Flour. After several grueling in-game days of bringing Flour with her on various adventures, and stuffing him full of as many treats as possible, Flour finally decided to trust her. He was immediately put to work.
Flour specializes in destruction of logs, and he sure is good at it! This function came with a surprise for Ms. Kriofsky: Flour does a little hoppy-stompy to clear logs off of the farm, as seen below.
While Ms. Kriofsky has two ankylosaurus, Egg and Putt Putt, that have done the bulk of the log clearing, they simply smash the fallen trees with their little butt tails.
The hoppy-stompy delighted Ms. Kriofsky, and she hopes to find other dinosaurs that also partake in the occasional hoppy-stompy.
5 responses to “BHW 03.19.2024”
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Hoppy stompy hoppy stompy
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i want another crossworm
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i have several drafts going, and a few are close to complete! so hopefully i’ll have a new one up soon!
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women’s hockey supports gaes and i think the distinction is important
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Welcome wifi rat to the Bonk House
thoughts? feelings? worries?