Bonk House Weekly

Tax Fraud as Protest?

In anticipation of Tax Day on April 15, 2024, Ms. Kriofsky began preparing her taxes and was presented with some unfortunate news. For the second year in a row, she found that she owes even more money to the federal government. This was a huge blow to her already poor bank account and mood.

After complaining about this predicament to anyone and everyone who would listen, she received a wealth of feedback on how to remedy this issue in both the short term and long term. Options ranged from accepting a loan from the Bank of Dad, to a particularly far-fetched and complicated scheme involving starting some sort of charity. None of the possible solutions she was presented with particularly tickled her fancy.

As Ms. Kriofsky pondered and complained, she began to ruminate on the possible use of tax fraud as a form of protest. In a text to Mr. Dave and Ms. Carlie, our Bonk House informant argued about the United States Federal Government “If they have the money to commit genocide in Gaza, I think they can overlook $512.”

As always, lying to the government is fun and free, but in this scenario, Ms. Kriofsky believes she’s stumbled onto something greater. Legend has it that the United States was founded following a rebellion sparked by unfair taxation policies. Similarly, some present-day radicals believe that funding genocide in Gaza with U.S. tax dollars may also qualify as an unfair tax policy. Thus, withholding said U.S. tax dollars to protest the use of those funds is simply upholding what could be considered the United States’ longest standing tradition.

This is purely a thought exercise, meant to spark introspection and consideration of how American tax dollars are spent, and the control the individual has over the usage of their tax dollars. Neither Ms. Kriofsky, nor the staff here at Bonk House Weekly recommend or endorse committing tax fraud.

Floor Time Hipster: I Liked It Before It Was a TikTok Hashtag

A recent New York Times article on ‘Floor Time’ sparked rage within Ms. Kriofsky, a self proclaimed originator of floor time. Ms. Kriofsky is pleased that the concept of floor time is finally taking hold in mainstream culture, but she also finds herself deeply saddened that such an important personal ritual is being popularized on the brain-rot app known as TikTok.

In a statement to our editors, Ms. Kriofsky wished to make it known that “[she] liked floor time before it was cool, when no one else understood floor time, when friends, roommates, family, and SOCIETY looked down on [her] for practicing floor time.”

The true sentiment of what Ms. Kriofsky is conveying is rooted in her philosophy of “Do Shit That Makes You Happy,” which focuses on the practice of doing trivial shit that makes you happy, regardless of petty social standards. This hearkens back to her early days of being a weird fucking kid, and in the aftermath of one of her favorite activities being TikTok-ified, Ms. Kriofsky has made a pledge to herself to be a weird fucking adult.

Fuck ’em.