February 13, 2024
Where Did He Go?
Following a visit this past weekend from Mr. Dave, Ms. Carlie, and Cousin Tucker, Bonk House’s favorite woman struggled with the concept of object permanence. The Krothsky party departed from the Bonk House early on Saturday morning. When Miss Donut finally woke up for the day several hours later, she charged into the guest room, fully anticipating kissy smoochie time. However, all she was met with was the lingering sniffs of her best bullying target.
Ms. Kriofsky attempted to explain that Cousin Tucker was simply stopping by for a visit, and had to return home. Miss Donut did not understand and pouted for several hours until dinner time, when she perked back up and continued playing with her New Toy Saturday squeaky chocolate covered strawberry.
Those Grapes Are Fucking Giant
This week saw an inspired effort by Ms. Kriofsky to implement healthier habits in her life, which includes eating a decent breakfast. This change was precipitated by landing on an effective dose of Adderall, which literally no one told her is more effective when she has a full meal before she takes it. Literally no one.
We spoke to Ms. Kriofsky about this alarming oversight from her primary care provider, and she said, “So… my doctor said to ‘take with food,’ which to me, does not inherently mean ‘eat a meal.’ And if I took it on an empty stomach, it made me want to peel all of my skin off, and when I ate an approximately 1 ounce pouch of Cheetos, things worked much better. When I accidentally ate a real breakfast one morning and then took it, the effects lasted much longer and my tummy didn’t hurt around 1pm. Crazy stuff. Wish someone, literally anyone, would have told me about this.”
This is all to say that Ms. Kriofsky has started a meal prep breakfast regimen, including overnight oats with peanut butter, and a variety of fruits and vegetables. This week included the biggest grapes that mankind has ever genetically engineered. The plastic tunnel lamb is included for size reference.
That’s Probably Fine, Right?
As a symptom of the human condition, almost everything is tragically awry nearly all the time. To cope, certain non-essential things may go unchecked or unacknowledged because, that’s probably fine, right?
For example, one of the displays on Ms. Kriofsky’s vehicle occasionally shits the bed, but it doesn’t seem to affect the function or drivability. Thus, that’s probably fine, right?
Real Housewives Get Real As Fuck
This past Thursday, with surprisingly chilly and rainy weather, Mses. Kriofsky and Star skipped their usual Thirsty Thursday venture to Jetset, and instead opted to continue their journey with the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.
Both ladies were shocked by the drama from the group of Mormon ladies. Mary told Jen she smells like hospital after Jen’s aunt-mother had both her legs amputated, so Jen called Mary a grandpa fucker. Both of these things are objectively true, but one seems like a huge escalation over the other.
The ladies haven’t even reached the end of season one, and Ms. Kriofsky is already gleefully looking forward to the reunion episode.
4 responses to “BHW 02.13.2024”
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RHSLC has taught me to throw more drinks and glasses and start fight during parties
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Having been in zero fights and having thrown only one drink in the entirety of my life, I do never the less recommend it.
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No one should be allowed to leave before saying goodbye to Miss Donut!! Also real housewives of Salt Lake City sounds interesting…
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fear not! they did say goodbye, donut was just snoring too loud to hear it
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