November 28, 2023
DONUT FINDS HER VOICE:
What Is She Barking At?
For Thanksgiving 2023, Bonk House residents made the trek to fabulous Wausau, Wisconsin to celebrate the holiday with the Kriofsky clan.
Present at this celebration were two major Wausau celebrities: Mr. Winston and Ms. Bailey. These two rabble-rousers participated in their usual hijinks, this time with the assistance of their cousin niece, Ms. Donut.
While all three pups had a lovely bant, Ms. Donut brought home an unfortunately learned lesson. Bonk House’s biggest troublemaker finally found where her bark has been hiding.
Reports indicate that Miss Donut has been barking at many things since her return to Minneapolis, including, but not limited to, Sir Andrew answering the phone, a leaf blowing past the window (too loud), and backyard ghosts (presumed).
Ms. Donut revealed to this reporter that her bitch mommy makes her go inside when she is simply trying to protect said bitch mommy from the horrors of the backyard. Ms. Kriofsky, please be advised that a little thankfulness would be appreciated and in the spirit of the season.
SLIME RANCH FIEND
This week, Ms. Kriofsky has picked Slime Rancher (Monomi Park, 2016) back up with the goal of completing 100% of the achievements. Initially, she purchased the game in June of 2022, and she has put in nearly 50 hours of play time. Despite this long history, Ms. Kriofsky only completed the main story in the past month. However, she made huge strides in her quest for all the trophies during the long weekend, with a mere three achievements remaining.
These remaining achievements are proving difficult to complete for Ms. Kriofsky, as Rush Mode and gold slimes continue to baffle and confound her.
HAS SHE BITTEN OFF MORE THAN SHE CAN CHEW?
With the passage of Thanksgiving, Christmas holiday preparations are in full swing at the Bonk House. Ms. Kriofsky has made her list, and has checked it far more than twice (anxiety disorder), and is now frantically crocheting gifts that may or may not be done in time. The Bonk House is now accepting wagers on what percent of handmade gifts will be finished by the dates of various Christmas celebrations.
As it stands, Ms. Kriofsky has committed herself to a full dozen handmade gifts, ranging from [REDACTED] for [REDACTED], to [REDACTED] for Mr. Ben. Only one project has been fully completed, while another three have been started.
Please send your well-wishes, snide remarks, and profanities to bonkhouseweekly@gmail.com to be passed along in support of Ms. Kriofsky’s bold and overstated ambitions.
WAUSAU RAGER
Other reports from the festivities in Wausau include a big finish for Winston and Mr. Dad in the annual turkey trot. Winston indicated his disappointment at Ms. Donut’s cowardice; she didn’t even start the race.
Back at the Dad House, cocktails were enjoyed in bespoke Kriofsky Thanksgiving 2023 pint glasses, a tray of pumpkin bars went from drab to fab to BLAMB (gone).
Involved parties tout the weekend as another big win for Mr. Dad, despite one attendee being evacuated by EMS.
thoughts? feelings? worries?