Bonk House Weekly

Stupid Idiot Makes Big Stupid Idiot Mistake

Locally unrenowned crafter Ms. Kriofsky dove headfirst into a new project this week and in a stark change of pace, made incredibly swift progress. The mystery project was projected to use five skeins of yarn, totaling approximately 700 meters. Over the course of one single week, she breezed through knitting the first skein, or 175 meters. As she went to join in her second skein, a light blue contrast color, disaster struck. Unfortunately for Ms. Kriofsky, in addition to being the world’s best project non-finisher, she is also a big stupid idiot, as she did not notice that the second skein consisted of fibers that are not washer/dryer friendly, which is a requirement for maximum efficacy and thoughtfulness for this project.

Determined to use only yarn from her existing stash, Ms. Kriofsky pored over boxes and buckets of yarn, trying to find something dryer friendly and in a DK weight. Alas, her fiber trawling was for naught. Nothing else she owned was a suitable substitute.

What she had, instead, was a fuckload of worsted weight yarn, slightly thicker than the DK weight yarn she had begun the project with. Due to a prior shipping error, she also had an exact duplicate of her original DK yarn, Hobbii’s Amigo, in a worsted weight, Amigo XL.

With her new search parameter in place, she once again dove into her stash. This time, she pulled several skeins of dryer friendly, worsted weight yarn in a delicious forest green. Unfortunately, the difference in weight meant the complete undoing of the progress she had made so far. The DK yarn knitting was frogged and set on fire, and Ms. Kriofsky has now started again from square one.

Local observers wait with bated breath to see how quickly the new version will progress. Redoing knitting she had already done, but now in a second-choice format bodes poorly for holding Ms. Kriofsky’s attention long enough for her to finish the project.

Books I Thought Looked Cool At The Bookstore

Following a failed attempt to attend the apparently widely popular “Book Fair for Grown-Ups,” hosted by Inbound Brewing at the State Fairgrounds, Mses. Kriofsky and Star pivoted their focus to going to a regular ass bookstore instead. Comma, a bookshop, located in Linden Hills became their next target.

Featuring a shockingly silent browsing experience and eavesdropped register gossip on the Book Fair for Grown-Ups, Ms. Kriofsky quickly amassed a number of books that she was interested in reading. Unfortunately, money is a finite resource and to purchase all of the books that piqued her interest would have cost upwards of $300.00. This was not feasible, considering the $84.29 that was in her checking account.

Instead, Ms. Kriofsky began cataloging in her camera roll the books that seemed interesting. These photos will very likely disappear into the infinite void of her visual archive, and the books pictured will almost certainly remain unread. For now, though, these books remain at the forefront of her camera roll and mind, a testament to memory and desire.

A Horoscope for Your Wednesday

Aries: Waiting, always waiting. Close your eyes for a few minutes. When you open them, the waiting will still be there.

Taurus: Are you just going through the motions? That’s good. Going through nothing is bad. Be grateful.

Gemini: Don’t push quite so hard. What will be, will be. You’ll need that strength for something else.

Cancer: Make the call. Just get it off your plate. Wouldn’t you rather make another trip to the buffet anyway?

Leo: It’s okay to go slow. But that’s no excuse for not finishing it at all. People will wait for you, so take your time. Get ready.

Virgo: You’re in too deep. Dive further, just to see what’s down there. You won’t be back here.

Libra: What are you working on? Does it make you happy? It should. That’s the whole point.

Scorpio: Don’t let it go. See it through. The answer is waiting for you.

Sagittarius: Are you biting off more than you can chew? The excess is holding you back. Jettison the heavy stuff.

Capricorn: Open your eyes. Wider. Look at your life. Can you really see it?

Aquarius: Still waters run deep. But not always. Sometimes it’s really just a little puddle that you can splash around in.

Pisces: You don’t have to do everything yourself. You’re capable of putting out fires on your own, but sometimes you can also call the fire department. That’s their job, you know.